I suppose that the most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention. And especially if it’s given from the heart. When people are talking, there’s no need to do anything but receive them. Listen to what they’re saying. Care about it. Most times caring about it is even more important than understanding it. Most of us don’t value ourselves or our love enough to know this. It has taken me a long time to believe in the power of simple saying “I’m so sorry,” when someone is in pain. One of my patients told me that when she tried to tell her story people often interrupted to tell her that they once had something just like that happening to them. Her pain became a story about them. Eventually, she stopped talking to most people. We connect through listening. When we interrupt what someone is saying to let them know that we understand, we move the focus of attention to ourselves. When we listen, they know we care. I have even learned to respond to someone crying by just listening. In the old days I used to reach for the handkerchiefs, until I realized that passing a person a handkerchief may be just another way to shut him down, to take them out of their experience of sadness. Now I just listen. When they have cried all they need to cry, they find me there with them. This simple thing has not been that easy to learn. It certainly went against everything I had been taught since I was very young. I thought people listened only because they were too shy to speak or did not know the answer. But now I know that a loving silence often has far more power to heal than the kindest words. 小题1:What does the author value most in the communication with each other?
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