Parents often say,"I don't understand why my child is acting this way.We've given him everything in
the world,and he just wants more.He's never happy.He doesn't enjoy what he has."
     For some reason,we often feel that if we give our child everything he wants to keep him happy,he
should behave the way we want him to.An important part of meeting children's emotional(情感的)needs
is to set limits often and firmly in a loveing way.Pardnts who learn to set limits in a loving way set them
more often because they don't have to wait until they've "had it up to here" to do so.
     A therapeutic(治疗的)way of setting limits is called ACT:Acknowledge the feeling,communicate the
limit,and target the choice.Necessarily,you're saying to the child,"I understand how you feel.It's OK to
feel that way,but you can't act that way when you feel like that.You can act this way when you feel like
that." It's also important to communicate this message in a loving way,not an angry way.
     Using ACT limitsetting teaches children to cope with their emotions and to find appropriate behavioral
expressions that don't hurt the children themselves.It can also be used to teach children to delay
gratification(满意)．Here are some examples of how it works.If your child wants a toy when you're at
the store and you don't want to buy it,you can say,(A)"You love that toy and want it right now,(C)but
we're not spending any money on toys today.(T)You can put it on your wish list for birthday or Christmas."
Using this technique,you'll learn to set reasonable limits that work.If you set limits too severely,you're
also more likely to give in,because you feel guilty.If you don't follow through with a consequence or you
make one that's too severe,you teach your child not to trust you.
     Parents often say,"I don't understand why my child is acting this way.We've given him everything in
the world,and he just wants more.He's never happy.He doesn't enjoy what he has."
For some reason,we often feel that if we give our child everything he wants to keep him happy,he should
behave the way we want him to.An important part of meeting children's emotional(情感的)needs is to
set limits often and firmly in a loveing way.Pardnts who learn to set limits in a loving way set them more
often because they don't have to wait until they've "had it up to here" to do so.
     A therapeutic(治疗的)way of setting limits is called ACT:Acknowledge the feeling,communicate the
limit,and target the choice.Necessarily,you're saying to the child,"I understand how you feel.It's OK to feel that way,but you can't act that way when you feel like that.You can act this way when you feel like that." It's also important to communicate this message in a loving way,not an angry way.
     Using ACT limitsetting teaches children to cope with their emotions and to find appropriate behavioral
expressions that don't hurt the children themselves.It can also be used to teach children to delay
gratification(满意)．Here are some examples of how it works.If your child wants a toy when you're at
the store and you don't want to buy it,you can say,(A)"You love that toy and want it right now,(C)but
we're not spending any money on toys today.(T)You can put it on your wish list for birthday or Christmas."
Using this technique,you'll learn to set reasonable limits that work.If you set limits too severely,you're also more likely to give in,because you feel guilty.If you don't follow through with a consequence or you make
one that's too severe,you teach your child not to trust you.